The last few days have been fairly eventful. Not so much because of midterms, but because, for some reason, a couple has come to our campus (with their two pre-teen children and their obviously single female friend in tow) to stand outside in the Pentacrest all day every day and tell the students why they are going to hell. Why did they invade our campus uninvited? Apparently, seeking knowledge and progressive ideas is evil, and thus, we will spend eternity burning in the fires of Hell. They came, not so much to tell us how to avoid Hell, but to let us know that they are going to Heaven and we are not. Note to curbside evangelists: Get a job!
But I have been misleading by writing “for some reason.” The reason is, of course, that these people are in dire need of attention. They must show everyone how holy they are (these people refer to themselves as “saints,” by the way) or, in other words, how much better they are than everyone else.
FYI: I found out that I am condemned to the fires of Hell because I have pierced ears. I’ll probably see all of you there, because here’s what else gets you into Hell: everything.
I was raised as a Methodist and left the church many years ago because, well, because of people like those mentioned above. The last straw was when I went to talk to my pastor after a dear friend had just passed away, and he essentially told me that she was in Hell because she had smoked pot. I realized that I didn’t want to have anything to do with a group of people who would casually tell a sixteen-year-old that her newly departed friend is going to spend the rest of eternity being tortured by centaurs or whatever the fuck mythological creatures supposedly reside in the netherworld.
What is with Christians, anyway? Or any religion for that matter, but the fact that Christians have this idea of a place where people spend the rest of time being sodomized by a satyr in a Viking helmet while simultaneously standing up to their calves in broken glass with the best bloody mary ever mixed sitting just…out…of…reach. Damn. I’m sure other religions have a similar idea of eternal punishment of some kind, but I don’t like the religion I was raised with, so I’m not going to bother studying up on other ideas to rebel against.
Oh, yeah. You may be wondering how these “saints” that I mentioned above make money if they don’t have jobs. Apparently, they go from town to town insulting people until someone punches them; then they sue that person. Great, huh? I might also be impressed if the “saints” themselves weren’t so pathetic. Their poor kids. They just sit there in folding chairs, staring blankly, with absolutely no emotion, and saying nothing. I kind of suspect that they’re not live children, but robots or dolls or something. Robots would certainly fit in with my conspiracy theories about organized religion.